Hello friends! Woo wee, I have been so crazy busy these last few months. Life just keeps moving and moving as fast as ever.
Anywho, since I haven’t written in a while I thought I’d share a little bit about what I’ve been learning lately.
Before I get to the point there’s something you guys should know about me. If you’ve read my blog before then you might think it’s easy for me to express myself. My emotions and thoughts just seem to pour out in my posts. But when it comes to my real life, everyday struggles and emotions, you might be surprised to know that hardly anyone ever hears them (other than my own mind playing them endlessly on repeat.)
It’s so easy for me to pour my heart out when writing. But I completely freeze and shut down when the times comes for me to speak up.
From the very tiny things that make me uneasy to the biggest struggles and fears, it usually takes me months to open up to even the closest, most dear people in my life. It makes things extra difficult. It makes me extra difficult. And it sucks.
The itty bitty struggles I keep to myself start to add up. I may not even be going through something extra stressful or horrible. My life is actually really great. But my mind will begin to convince me that I should be upset, worried, and down. That I should stay up half way through the night overthinking myself into more stress.
These little struggles begin to weigh down on me and begin affecting my day to day attitudes. They start to consume my thoughts, constantly causing me to be elsewhere.
It sounds so easy to fix, right? Like yeah, just communicate better. Learn to open up. Speak your mind. Talk.
It’s not that easy.
With all that being said, let me get into what He’s been teaching me throughout these last few weeks.
I have been stressing quite a bit over one big ‘something’ that seems to be taking over my happy attitude. Overthinking and over-analyzing. That stress is solely caused by me failing at trusting completely in God.
The next few years of my life are exciting, thrilling, and full of new experiences. At the same time they’re a bit frightening, stressful, and full of changes.
I wrestle with myself constantly between “letting go, and letting God.” to trying to trust my own 1oo pound self’s strength. (Trust God, or trust little ‘ole me??)
Obviously the better option is NOT to trust little ole’ me but somehow I keep finding myself trying to do it. Logical, I know.
Yesterday while I was driving to work, I was listening to my “Jesus” playlist on shuffle. Every song that ‘justsohappened’ to play seemed to be God specifically reaching out to me. I don’t know how else to word it but I felt like my heart was physically twisting inside of my chest. I felt uneasy but also a sense of calmness. Peace.
I sat there listening, praying, and taking in every word. I asked Him to speak to my heart, to help me feel at peace, and to rid me of all of my distrust.
The song that was playing ended, and “It is Well” by Bethel came on. I thought the other songs were merely a coincidence. Now I know they weren’t.
As soon as the opening music began playing, I felt chills take over my body. As the song continued playing my eyes filled with tears. I soaked up every word and allowed myself to just sit and feel the embrace of the spirit.
“Far be it from me to not believe,
even when my eyes can’t see.
And this mountain that’s in front of me,
will be thrown into the midst of the sea.
Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.
Through it all, it is well.
So let go, my soul, and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name.
Through it all, through it all,
it is well with me.”
You guys. I’m literally tearing up again right now just typing those lyrics out. I’m a mess. xD
I know that was Him reminding me through one little song that came om my shuffle to let go.
“Far be it from me to not believe, even when my eyes can’t see. And this mountain that’s in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea.”
Everything I’ve been upset, worrying, and afraid of lately is because I can’t see it. I can’t see His plan.
He reminded me that He is not only BIGGER than but that he CREATED that big mountain standing in front of me. He won’t just help me climb it, He won’t help me around it…He will throw it into the sea.
How do I so easily forget I serve a God who moves mountains?? I have goooot to stop trusting in my own strength to climb the mountain, and start relying on his strength to DEMOLISH it.
“Through it all, my eyes are on you. Through it all, it is well.”
He reminded me to keep my eyes on Him rather than my own desires. He reminded me not be distracted when things aren’t happening on my timing, but to keep my eyes on Him knowing He has a bigger plan.
Through the waiting process, it is well. Through whatever life will throw at me, I can say “It is Well” because He is ever faithful.
“So let go, my soul, and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name.”
He reminded me to fully LET GO of all the things weighing me down.
“Don’t you know that even the winds and waves know my name, Carlie? Don’t you know I can handle this?”
“Through it all, it is well with me.”
Through any up or down in life, I can confidentially say “it is well with me” because my God is a strong, ever faithful, mountain demolishin’, trustworthy, loving, God. He has me and every tiny detail of my life in His hands.
He knew the plans He had for me before I was even born. How dare I not trust the one who created me to take care of me?
Through it all, I have joy.
Through it all, I have courage.
Through it all, I have hope.
Through every up, every down, every waiting process, every fear, every doubt, every struggle
It is well with me.